Now I Speak

Echoing in my ears,

Voices too loud, it took out the harmony therein

Years gone by, a trust built over time

From my nascent tiny steps, and now am fully grown

All that now a distant cry, shattered & lost!

The beautiful pages on which the future: my future was supposed to be written

Now turn and stained with the guilt of a predator and my innocence up in the air like puff from a cigar

Washed away in an instant like sand on the sea shore that melts like wax

Success brought me to him like waves hitting the sea bed; he had a constant supply of it, of us yearly

Nature, unintentionally crafted me, a piece on the menu that can’t be resisted. And while to the society he appeared like an angel with feathers so decorated with degrees, inside was a monster, a lost soul with a thirst, only for my innocence.

A two faced being, left to roam freely. To some they were prey to satisfy his urges while others were friends. The truth of which side you belonged only came out when it’s either the sunlight or moon light.

My choices were to fail or pass, graduate or spill

He had all the aces while I watched aloof in disbelieve

Who was I to talk to? About? Why?

He robbed me not with arms but with the power of trust & integrity the society gave him

Unfortunately,

The society termed him a saint while I was the sinner

I had no voice compared to how loud his profile was

Nobody believed me, nobody could believe

I left damaged but worse because I had to keep it all locked in

Armed with a degree, emboldened with the self healing processes over time

Now I speak

Not for me, but for those still blinded by the societal veil he covers his evil with

Justice might be wishful thinking but my burdens are lesser cos my tongue is no longer trapped by his clutches

I can now see light at the end of a once dark path

A People Lost

I was me, wondering around in my own world,

I was far away, echoes faded out just as quickly,

With nothing out of the extra ordinary,
Was I contended? I cannot really remember.

I was a combination of more good than bad,
In the midst of my dark world yet inside of me was an untapped gold mine.

Blessed with so much resources that I didn’t know half of it yet  but they did!

Music to my ears was the sounds of waterfalls: racing torrents of rivers, nature dancing continually in perfect rhythm just like hymns.

Meeting at the confluence but then the delta and the ocean calleth!

The sight of sand dunes of the sahara flirting with the sunset at dawn made the eyes teary.

The lush green vegetation of the sahel rolling over each other, a constant reminder of how perfect my rofia mat (if laid) can be- tranquil.

Animals big and small, a source of company and food as we all shared this very beautiful space I found myself in.

Oh it was beautiful indeed...

The Baobab showed me how big I can be ( a giant amongst nations), the Iroko, a reminder that I can stand my ground even in the midst of storms and yet I had lilies by the river bank; beautiful during the day, fading away at sunset after being battered by the hot scorching sun that guaranteed my all year round toned skin.

Yes the sun, to whom the birds usher in at dawn with the first sound to start my day, long after the owls and squirrels had fraternized with the moonlight.

The winds were fresh and unpolluted, I looked forward to a fresh dose every morning, but then he came..

From a place I never knew existed, he pointed far beyond the sun sets. I wondered if that was the reason his skin looked so undone!

He was clothed with promises so sweet, it was food to my ears. I was curious and nervous at the same time.

I showed him my space, my people and my land. The more I showed him, the more promises he made.

My people rode on the promises away with him far away beyond where the sun sets and have never returned.

My land he took as his, my people he took while I fed on his promises and waited..

Its been decades since my people left, sadly I hear some are now ashamed of me, their mother land-Nigeria

To be continued..

Balance

Have you ever seen a man paddling a canoe on a lake or across any body of water? If you have, then one thing you will notice is the fact that they paddle on both sides of the canoe and not one no matter how calm the water is. Why? A canoe being paddled on just one side never goes forward rather bends into a curve!

In life, just like the man in the canoe, we need to find a balance in all we do. Be it academics, career, business or even relationships because if you paddle on one side alone then you should be ready to go round in circles and not forward!

It is a very simple rule but  sadly only a few have mastered the art. And so you see people extremely successful in one area and a total failure in another, it is all about balance..

You get to the peak of your career, but you do not have any friend who can call you by your name or tell you point blank when you are wrong because everyone around you is within the working circle. You disconnected with your friends a long time ago and you did not even notice because you were fixated on achieving career success, balance.

If relationship success was based on money alone, then all the poor couples in the village without "baecation", cinemas, ice-cream and 4G network in my village would have died of hypertension! But you see, the moment you strike that balance, instead of that relationship to curve out of existence it marches forward step by step day by day.

Take a short trip into any area of your life that isn't moving as planned or expected, it might be that you have been paddling too long on another side, Strike that balance and watch things naturally obey this law of nature.
Stay blessed

Diary Of A Lazy Nigerian Youth : Episode 1

“ Bros, your phone don dey ring since o, I say make I kuku ma com give you since the battery don full. As a regular customer now, you no go vex if I comot your fone make I allow other pepu charge na, you know say the country hard, man pikin need all the change wey e fit pakage o”..

Guy take your time o, if my fone no full enh, I dey bring am back o, I no fit shout. That 50 card yu dey collect no be beans o. but who you say been dey call me? Any name show? Abi na just those fake MTN spam callers wey no dey allow pesin rest, na so so subscribe subscribe be dia own everi day, weda da person don chop sef nothing concern dem,na just to chop your credit be dia plan. Yeye scam pepu.

“ I no get time look who dey call as I been dey barb customer dat time, as da thin com dey too plenty na em I say make I com give you. Hope say I no disturb your sleep sha?

Not at all, as work no dey today make I take time rest body for house today. I cant come and die for this own o. monkey no fine but em mama still like am o. God punish devil. I reluctantly stood up from the bed, reached for my Chelsea jersey on my small reading table and headed for the door. As I pushed the very old door curtain to the side, I saw Okon smiling sheepishly through the wooden door with the see through net almost giving way after years of been battered by the unfriendly elements of the weather. I gradually pushed it so it wont park up finally and with my head slightly bent downwards I stepped outside to meet my unwelcomed visitor..

“ up Chelsea!! Unna play ball yesterday sha but unna no gree score chai. Those small small Arsenal boiz come dey score for unna house. Thank God say na only #500 I put for that my ticket o, I don target say I go chop almost #17,000 na only that match cut my ticket, e pain me o. to come shop this morning sef dey taya me cos all those Gunners fans for our shop don dey wait to yab me as per say I don make mouth say unna go win. Unna fall my hand badly sha. But nothing spoil, next week against Burnley unna go collect unna 3 points back take replace am, unna must win the league o”..

Okon leave matter abeg, those boiz don hammer oh. Na we for here still dey look for chop money. I don tell yu make yu no dey bet money again, na bad spirit dat thin be o. where my fone na.

His excitement now gone due to the little scolding he received, he stretched out his hands without looking my direction to hand over my phone.

“ make I dey go back shop,customer dey wait for me. Shei yu go show background later na? That thin( pami) of yesterday still remain small o, abi make I just send John make him bring am com give yu?

Don’t worry, am no longer interested. You guys can have it all. E never spoil? I asked, make unna no drink poison o I shouted as he turned to take his leave. I shook my head as his seemingly frustrated figure walked out of the face me I face you compound located at the suburb of Nnewi, the compound had 24 rooms but only 7 were habitable. It was a case of survival of the fittest.

 The last set of tenants in room 17 and 22 moved out yesterday when their ceiling caved in, for me my own challenge lied with the walls. The dampness leaves the room with a particular smell reminiscent of my mud house in the village. I was always careful not to leave my clothes or bag on the floor or near the walls as it will take a lot of hard work to relieve them of the unpleasant smell. Complains to the landlady over the years have not yielded any positive result as she claims she doesn’t have enough to feed not to talk of renovating the building. If you couldn’t stand it, park out simple. The message was loud and very clear.

I looked around and saw the small mortar of mama vera, I guess she didn’t remember to park it along as she was leaving yesterday, as I sat down on it my fingers flipped through the 6 missed calls notification I saw on my phone. Strange enough, they were all from a particular Glo number that I didn’t have. This must be serious I thought to myself, I hope its not from the village o, I hope nothing is wrong with mama? So many thoughts flipped through my head all at once. Just as I was about to make up my mind to borrow #100 from the network to call the number, another call came in. As  my gaze shifted back to the screen to see who was calling, Endurance walked into the compound and from the looks on her face I knew all was not well.

“ mama said I should go back to where I slept last night, and its all your fault. I told you to allow me go back home but you refused, that useless pami you were drinking didn’t make you see reasons with me on the gravity of the wahala it will cause if they realized I didn’t sleep at home! I begged you for hours but you refused, you insisted on sleeping with me and even the fact that I was ovulating didn’t deter you. Now mama is shouting like a mad woman in our compound and am sure she will come looking for me here very soon!”

I was lost, literally. As she stood there panting and fuming. Only then did the events of yesternight began to replay out in my head. The last events I remember clearly was the part I got to the barbing salon and we sat down to demolish the pami. I remember Okon telling me the drink was spiked so that the small quantity will get everyone “happy” in no time. Coming home with Endurance and insisting that she spent the night were all memories I was still trying to figure out clearly.

“But when did I ask you to follow me home and even insist on you spending the night even at the risk of you in your ovulation period?” With one sharp turn, she gave me one dirty slap, I was caught off guard at the sudden turn of events. My phone fell off my hands and the battery detached from the rubber band I used to hold it in place. I slowly bent down searching for the pieces of my dear nokia phone.

“ After all my pleas yesternight that fell on your deaf ears, you now stand here asking me stupid questions. What is in that your room that I will be eager to spend the night in? you were clearly under the influence of that drink and you acted accordingly. Just come up with a good explanation to give my mother by the time she gets here o”

Still in that unraveling drama that I was trying to catch up with, my phone rang again. I managed to sit on the mortar once again just to get a little composure to answer the phone with the little courtesy I could remember. As I pressed the answer key on my phone, my hands were shaking as I lifted the phone to my ears, the voice on the other end of the phone sounded more like that of a model.

“ Hello, please am I unto Mr Frank Egerue?

Yes you are, I mumbled through…

“My name is Cynthia and am calling you from the Corporate Headquarters of FINZ Group here in Lagos, I am the HR Assistant and I will like to know if you will be available for a one on one assessment/interview on Monday the 10th of July? I have been calling your line for ages with no response. Or is this not your official line?

Yes it is ma…

“ I just had to get through to you today been the last day as failure will mean you miss the chance to join this firm, I hope you make use of this opportunity as you were selected from over 10,000 applicants from across the country”.

No I wont ma

“If I may ask, what part of the country are you presently because your CV here with me reads Nnewi?

You are very correct ma

“Well that leaves you with just two days to get to lagos, I hope you will be able to make it down here?”

I will ma, thank you ma

“So I will see you then, have a good day Mr Frank”

“So na yu camp my daughter for house last nite abi? Uncle just because yu teach am to write jamb na em make yu no allow am com house? Da papa pay yu yur moni abi him dey owe?”

While I was answering the call, I didn’t notice mama endy had walked in behind me and was just waiting patiently to pounce on me even more than her daughter had done.

Mama no be so, I no say make endy sleep for my house o. I dey surprise sef wey I see her this morning say na my house she sleep cos na only me one follow sleep for house mama.

“ so na who dey lie? Cos my pikin no sleep for house and na only yu she mention! Any way no be fight matter, she kuku don reach to marry na make yu come meet her pale beg for her hand in marriage. No be so?”

Looking at me with stern vicious eyes hoping that I say anything contrary to the options she just gave me, I swallowed the ball of saliva that had formed in my throat and cleared my fore head of the pool of sweat that had gathered there, I looked at Endurance with the last hope in me that she will change her story so that this unfolding nightmare will disappear and end. But just as our focus landed on each other she broke my heart even more with her response…

“ why you dey look me uncle, answer now abi yu no be man again? Yesterday yu dey make mouth say yu be man and can do whatever it takes and now yu dey sweat like xmas goat”

Mama I no understand all wetin dey happen o, believe me mama. If to say my neigbour never park comot we for call am now make him bear me witness say nobody follow me come house yesterday. No be true mama.

“ I no get your time, when the papa come back from travel we go call yu again make unna talk man to man cos e be like say u never wan gree confess”

And with that final submission, she grabbed her daughter by the hand and dragged her towards the sole entrance to the compound. As I watched them struggle to jump the gutter separating the compound and the main road leading to Nnewi town, my heart sunk even further. 

What mess have I gotten my self into? How come I don’t remember any part of it? I didn’t really drink that much. On a good day, the whole of the keg cant satisfy me but then what the heavens did that boy mix it with?

I was caught in between rushing to the salon to confront him immediately but then I realized I had to be in lagos in two days time, all I have left cant even get me breakfast not to talk of getting me to Lagos. How do I raise the money I need now?

To be continued. ..

Silence

Silence

Silence has two faces

Pretty and ugly

Life and death sometimes

While it helps you to step away from the chaos around, it can also disconnect you from the reality of being you.

Silence

In it we can draw strength to overcome life challenges or sadly loose the will to continue fighting for what we truly desire.

Silence

It can be so soothing and peaceful, same way it can be so loud when it has defeat of self esteem, pride, ego and confusion written all over it; unfortunately, the society is too busy to read the handwriting no matter how clear it is written.

Silence

From it, ideas that shaped humanity were birthed and still are, sadly humanity has lost many from decisions taken at this season’s of silence.

Silence

So powerful, it can shut the whole world out in one blink and yet so weak to be able to reach out back to it sometimes.

Silence

Dreadful as it may sound, still every soul needs a visit to this powerful part of our minds. A healthy visit, not forced or coarsed by pressures and the demand to fit into the noisy chaotic world around us. The world so selfish, always demanding from us in exchange for vanities (time for money, time for comfort etc) leaving us with the illusion that we are successful but inside we empty, because the best things in life are free: our imagination and creativity.

Silence

Silence speaks when we are re-energized from it and kills so quietly when we loose what we took there!.

 Depression is real. Reach out to a forgotten friend today. You might be saving a life.

Is Love Really Enough?

It was magical,

All the excitement that had filled my system since he proposed,

Butterflies flying around my tummy.

The silent giggles whenever his thoughts or face flashed through my mind

And then the D-day came,

Obviously the event planners knew their onions,

The arrangement and planning was on point,

Family, guests, all had a nice time.

Did I forget to mention the honeymoon? Far away in Hawaii.

I dreamt of it as far back as secondary school,

I flooded the internet and social media with different pictures and video of how it all went down.

Hmmm!

It was all I could ever ask for, a perfect union made in heaven or so it seemed, at that point.

Boom! Reality check,

Fast forward to present day.

That was four years ago,

It’s some few minutes past eight and he is not yet home.

The last time I checked,closing hour was still 5pm.

Normally,20 minutes tops after closing he's home.

My last redial just ended, the eleventh ring out.

Few minutes later,an SMS comes in "hanging out with some old pals"

How come?

I thought I was his best partner at "hanging outs"?

I just realised that was the third time this week!

Is he too engrossed with the drinks/buddies he couldn't spare few minutes to talk over the phone?

Why won't he answer my calls? Maybe he mistakenly left it inside the car.

No call? I am sure he ran out of call credit....

That's me trying so hard to make excuses for Bayo.

Wait!

Could Cynthia be right?

"Don't mind them, they will do everything for you just for you to marry them,get into his house  and then you will know his true colors".

No it can’t be, but all the writings on the wall are pointing to it.

Bayo is different, he has to be,

Two years of courtship and I never saw a trace of this trait.

Could it be that he was so good at hiding it or I was just too blinded with passion I couldn't see what was right there in front of me?

So many thoughts rushing through my head-it aches badly,

Then a sharp pain on my waist, 8 months gone and he kicks like every minute.

Just to remind me that it could happen at any time,

I tried to turn on the couch just to ease my discomfort.

I totally forgot I left the phone on my protruded belly,

Down it went with the screen smashing into a thousand pieces as it hit the marble floor,

Damm it- how I hated myself!

Now I can't even call Bayo, even if he tried, he can't reach me.

I am stuck on this couch until he gets back because I can't bend down to sweep no more.

"Madam,do not get into positions that will hurt your baby,especially domestic chores...let your husband or maid if available help you do it" That was Dr. Smith issuing instructions to Bayo and I  the last time we went for antenatal 3 weeks ago.

His concerns hinged on the fact that I had threatened abortion /miscarriage twice in my second trimester hence my pregnancy case file was tagged "Delicate".

After struggling to conceive for four years before it finally happened, the family doctor has been extra careful to make sure the baby arrived safely.

"The more reason Bayo should be here with me all the time and not with buddies, whoever they are" I screamed out.

"Aunty, what is the problem? Do you want anything?"

I was so lost in my thoughts, I didn't realize Uduak the maid had entered with the groceries I sent for,

I felt embarrassed and ashamed of myself but didn't want to show it.

"No....em em , I mean yes dear" I stuttered,

"get a broom and clean this mess" me pointing to the remains of my phone.

I could see the shock in her eyes, I am sure she remembered how I gushed on my birthday just last week when Bayo gave me the sleek Samsung galaxy note,

"don't just stand there,get it done already"!

How I wish I didn't turn down mamas proposal of coming in time to stay,but it was because I wanted Bayo and I to share those last moments together. Not being abandoned like this, certainly not like this.

And then the hour bell struck nine, as much as I tried to keep them out, Cynthia's words flashed again

"your husband is every woman's dream,tall,dark and not only is he handsome but rich as well. Even if he doesn't go after them, they will hunt him. My dear, you have to be closer to God and pray o,this is Lagos o,those girls are very wicked . As for me,I had to engage local insurance policy...em you know what I mean now aunty Bisi:.

I promptly rejected her assertions and ideas in my mind "Bayo will never cheat on me, I don't need black magic to keep my man, he loves me, very much".

As I remembered those lines,it didn't sound convincing to even me anymore,fear gripped me.

I removed my chaplet from my neck and started reciting the rosary "God please protect him, bring him home safely".

That's me trying to obey what my mum told me " always pray for your husband,no matter what. Pray first before you conclude on his behalf".

If there was anytime in my life I needed quick response from heaven, it is now. " if you can hear me oh Lord,bring him back to me NOW!" heaven could tell I was desperate.

The baby kicked once more and I adjusted the throw-pillow behind me to make it more comfortable, with that last movement, I slept off on the couch.

Hours later,I woke up in a frenzy,stood up and only then did I realize I was in our bedroom upstairs. Still confused as to how I got there, and with Bayo not snoring loudly by my side I reached for the door. The door that lead downstairs, mid- way through my descending the stairs, I peeped through the tiny tinted glass on the wall to see if his car was in the parking lot, but to my surprise, it wasn't.

" so he didn't come home last night,Bayo has killed me" I was breathing heavily as I turned the corner to embark on the final descent towards the living room,there he was!

Kneeling on one leg, the same position he took when he proposed five years ago at the bar beach, only that this time he had a teddy not an 18 karat gold ring.

It was a surprise baby shower party! Everyone who meant anything to me was already there, I am sure the public holidays made it possible to assemble them all. Bayo had been making secret preparations all this while trying to keep it away from me hence the late nights.

I couldn't take the remaining steps down,I practically froze on my knees. Tears rolled down my eyes as he held and raised me gently to my seat in front of everyone.

I was so overwhelmed with emotions and it didn't matter I was still wearing my pyjamas,I had never felt that special my entire life!

Even though the baby kicked that very moment,I didn't feel the pain. All I felt was paradise!!!

To all women who have endured the pain of pregnancy to give life. God bless you eternally

From A Child's Point Of View

We used to free, playing on the streets,kicking empty cans all the way to school and back.
We were free to visit the stream,coming back home with eyes so red you can’t deny where you’ve been ( you really didn’t need to anyway)
We used to be free to eat,drink in the neighbours friends house coming back home with big round tommies and shirts stained with oil due to the struggle for meat.
It was actually allowed to remove our sandals and walk bare feet, swinging them in rythims of songs learnt from the village square last night.
Parents yes, but the society was the standard model and watch dog. Kids getting spanked by total strangers when due and still complimented for not sparing the rod when the news filtered back home.
Teachers were idolised as mini gods due to the importance society placed on them- a noble profession with “rewards in heaven”. Life for us as kids was super fun.
We built castles with mud,using our legs as designs. Creativity and natural instincts buzzing in our heads.
The girls quickly learnt singing and clapping while gathered around in circles,cooking with empty cans and pawpaw leaves while the boys,armed with catapults,ventured beyond the boundary of the stream in search of that elusive old wise tortoise grandpa always talked about so they could be as wise as him. They actually did venture because the fear of evil men to kidnap them wasn’t a part of the society. But all that faded away.
We now grow up in houses with fences so tall they reach out to the moon, our freedom the society wickedly took us. The society you adults have created.
We play yes, but with toys and TV game consoles more than with the kids next next door.
We eat yes, but from cans and packs,beautifully sealed nylon wraps picked from the kitchen shelf cos mummy has to beat the traffic at 5:30am, and yet we dare not eat or dine even with our best friend in school because we don’t know the source of the water in their houses.
The closest I have been with my cousins is looking at their pictures on Facebook( the ones I know or heard of ) cos they all bad people who do not like us. While I struggle to make a sentence with my own mother tongue,teachers trying so hard to make me speak and sound like the half baked humans I see on DSTV,they say I will be accepted easily when I sound like them, why can’t I sound like you mum? If you don’t like the way you sound who else will?
Boys growing up on their own filled with Internet curriculum and modelling their lives to the edited content of celebrities on E channel because Daddy is busy meeting deadlines and targets set by the corporate world, a vicious circle that keeps him away like forever but to which he says pays the bills and allows me the luxuries I enjoy. Luxuries?  Seriously?  You mean being caged as soon as school ends is now luxury? That used to be when the fun was just about to start.
And so I get to spend so much of my developmental time with nannies sorry I mean uncles and aunties who are too busy on social media to notice me and when they do, explore my purity and violate my innocence , setting me on a dangerous path.
Cooking is now an odd ugly task meant for the chef while I dwell on the society short cuts: 2 minute noodles and coco pops. The joy of splashing and goofing around in the stream washing clothes now long as I only toss them into the washer.
You might argue that they have made life easier but also, it has taken away an essential part of learning and altered the natural balance of life teachings as we grow up. We now juggle between British and American curriculum expressed as Montessori for the elite while the poor languish in so called public schools at the mercy of unpaid teachers struggling to find motivation but surrounded by frustration hence the then noble profession now a shadow of itself.
Education should never be categorised based on it either being private or public; opportunities in life aren’t! No kid was born to come face this societal divide, we innocent.
In case you adults have not noticed,our innocence is a  different kind of beautiful that most of you only dream about.
When next you sit on the decision making alters and tables,remember we have the right to be protected and provided for but most importantly we have the right to be free, free from the mental walls and societal barriers you adults have created.
Happy Children’s Day