When

 

When life rhythms doesn't actually sound no more like duduke

When you hate the sight of sunrise because you gave up already on the day unfolding since last night when you soaked your pillows drenched

When the cover of darkness is the safest place you felt at peace; far from all preying eyes, probing questions at every turn all fuelled not by care or compassion but to confirm and satisfy their thirst for stories of your failure

When your silent outer self is an exact opposite of the raging war happening in the inside, yet wrapped around a smile as you trod past memories of sweet before all but gone in the fleeting moments

When conversations became sour, chaotic and a battle of who is wrong or right, all aimed to massage a battered ego bruised and scared from previous encounters on the alter of moral justification fanned  

When the voices, the only voices that you hear, that sound like songs and meaningful to you only lead to a place of darkness with no light in sight

When you look so closely, you see friends and foe and can’t tell which you should embrace for they all appear with tongues as weapons ready to strike deep with no remorse for your gut feeling

When the best wishes, decisions only echo “give up” “surrender”  “you can’t make it”. “its over”, at that point, if only you can take a moment and appreciate the last breathe and realise how special you are and privileged to be able to have one more go through your nostrils

You realise if you can do that alone, all by yourself, then you are all  you need to make it, make it through the challenges no matter how overwhelming because the journey to survival and happiness first starts from a willing mind and not a hopeless being

No matter what you lose, do not lose hope in God, in it, the greatest survival and success stories have emerged. Yours can be the next but only if you let hope a place in your heart.

Bless

Oh My Mother Land

 

How did we get here? That the cries of the innocent no longer irks our soul? Tell me how the blood stains on our land, flowing freely, is no longer seen as a proof of carnage?

While those alive mourn those dead in fear, the killers jubilate so loudly, we can hear them sing from afar. Their rythmic dance steps insult the memories of their victims for free.

Oh my land, my home! Can I still call you so? All I see now when I remember home is a slaughter field, where my ancestry is being eroded, violated, destroyed by people I once called brothers and fellow men.

How different are they from me? I see none, our skin tone shows we are supposed to be united as a common front against those who come from beyond the big wide sea to tap and mine the blessings of the creator hidden deep underneath our huts, just for you and I but alas today, they sit back and watch, without having to lift a finger, we turn and strike deep into the heart and bellies of ourselves

Wives left with no husband's, mother's left with no children to sorround them, maidens raped right in front of their fathers and our young ones sent to the great beyond in an instant, in one night.. 

Who do we call? Where do we go from here? A people with no sense of direction for our leaders either sold it for bread or were silenced for refusing bread. Who teaches the few young ones still left that the way of the sword is not the only language the world understands?

Oh the land I call home! The smoke still smells of burnt bamboos from my huts, the streams now sour as carcasses litter the path to the stream. Will morning ever come? Will the cover of darkness on our minds ever be removed?

Will this voices of pain and deep sorrow ever sing and dance to the early morning chirping of birds? While our leaders walk around with broad smiles and laughter as if their homes are safe and secure, the people they lead languish in utter disbelief of their arrogance even in the face of excellent failure on oaths taken to protect lives and property

Oh my land

My home

The silence of those meant to act has become too loud, it's deafening! The bloodsheds have become endless, the pains unbearable and the mockery too hard to swallow.

Now I Speak

Echoing in my ears,

Voices too loud, it took out the harmony therein

Years gone by, a trust built over time

From my nascent tiny steps, and now am fully grown

All that now a distant cry, shattered & lost!

The beautiful pages on which the future: my future was supposed to be written

Now turn and stained with the guilt of a predator and my innocence up in the air like puff from a cigar

Washed away in an instant like sand on the sea shore that melts like wax

Success brought me to him like waves hitting the sea bed; he had a constant supply of it, of us yearly

Nature, unintentionally crafted me, a piece on the menu that can’t be resisted. And while to the society he appeared like an angel with feathers so decorated with degrees, inside was a monster, a lost soul with a thirst, only for my innocence.

A two faced being, left to roam freely. To some they were prey to satisfy his urges while others were friends. The truth of which side you belonged only came out when it’s either the sunlight or moon light.

My choices were to fail or pass, graduate or spill

He had all the aces while I watched aloof in disbelieve

Who was I to talk to? About? Why?

He robbed me not with arms but with the power of trust & integrity the society gave him

Unfortunately,

The society termed him a saint while I was the sinner

I had no voice compared to how loud his profile was

Nobody believed me, nobody could believe

I left damaged but worse because I had to keep it all locked in

Armed with a degree, emboldened with the self healing processes over time

Now I speak

Not for me, but for those still blinded by the societal veil he covers his evil with

Justice might be wishful thinking but my burdens are lesser cos my tongue is no longer trapped by his clutches

I can now see light at the end of a once dark path

A People Lost

I was me, wondering around in my own world,

I was far away, echoes faded out just as quickly,

With nothing out of the extra ordinary,
Was I contended? I cannot really remember.

I was a combination of more good than bad,
In the midst of my dark world yet inside of me was an untapped gold mine.

Blessed with so much resources that I didn’t know half of it yet  but they did!

Music to my ears was the sounds of waterfalls: racing torrents of rivers, nature dancing continually in perfect rhythm just like hymns.

Meeting at the confluence but then the delta and the ocean calleth!

The sight of sand dunes of the sahara flirting with the sunset at dawn made the eyes teary.

The lush green vegetation of the sahel rolling over each other, a constant reminder of how perfect my rofia mat (if laid) can be- tranquil.

Animals big and small, a source of company and food as we all shared this very beautiful space I found myself in.

Oh it was beautiful indeed...

The Baobab showed me how big I can be ( a giant amongst nations), the Iroko, a reminder that I can stand my ground even in the midst of storms and yet I had lilies by the river bank; beautiful during the day, fading away at sunset after being battered by the hot scorching sun that guaranteed my all year round toned skin.

Yes the sun, to whom the birds usher in at dawn with the first sound to start my day, long after the owls and squirrels had fraternized with the moonlight.

The winds were fresh and unpolluted, I looked forward to a fresh dose every morning, but then he came..

From a place I never knew existed, he pointed far beyond the sun sets. I wondered if that was the reason his skin looked so undone!

He was clothed with promises so sweet, it was food to my ears. I was curious and nervous at the same time.

I showed him my space, my people and my land. The more I showed him, the more promises he made.

My people rode on the promises away with him far away beyond where the sun sets and have never returned.

My land he took as his, my people he took while I fed on his promises and waited..

Its been decades since my people left, sadly I hear some are now ashamed of me, their mother land-Nigeria

To be continued..

Balance

Have you ever seen a man paddling a canoe on a lake or across any body of water? If you have, then one thing you will notice is the fact that they paddle on both sides of the canoe and not one no matter how calm the water is. Why? A canoe being paddled on just one side never goes forward rather bends into a curve!

In life, just like the man in the canoe, we need to find a balance in all we do. Be it academics, career, business or even relationships because if you paddle on one side alone then you should be ready to go round in circles and not forward!

It is a very simple rule but  sadly only a few have mastered the art. And so you see people extremely successful in one area and a total failure in another, it is all about balance..

You get to the peak of your career, but you do not have any friend who can call you by your name or tell you point blank when you are wrong because everyone around you is within the working circle. You disconnected with your friends a long time ago and you did not even notice because you were fixated on achieving career success, balance.

If relationship success was based on money alone, then all the poor couples in the village without "baecation", cinemas, ice-cream and 4G network in my village would have died of hypertension! But you see, the moment you strike that balance, instead of that relationship to curve out of existence it marches forward step by step day by day.

Take a short trip into any area of your life that isn't moving as planned or expected, it might be that you have been paddling too long on another side, Strike that balance and watch things naturally obey this law of nature.
Stay blessed

Diary Of A Lazy Nigerian Youth : Episode 1

“ Bros, your phone don dey ring since o, I say make I kuku ma com give you since the battery don full. As a regular customer now, you no go vex if I comot your fone make I allow other pepu charge na, you know say the country hard, man pikin need all the change wey e fit pakage o”..

Guy take your time o, if my fone no full enh, I dey bring am back o, I no fit shout. That 50 card yu dey collect no be beans o. but who you say been dey call me? Any name show? Abi na just those fake MTN spam callers wey no dey allow pesin rest, na so so subscribe subscribe be dia own everi day, weda da person don chop sef nothing concern dem,na just to chop your credit be dia plan. Yeye scam pepu.

“ I no get time look who dey call as I been dey barb customer dat time, as da thin com dey too plenty na em I say make I com give you. Hope say I no disturb your sleep sha?

Not at all, as work no dey today make I take time rest body for house today. I cant come and die for this own o. monkey no fine but em mama still like am o. God punish devil. I reluctantly stood up from the bed, reached for my Chelsea jersey on my small reading table and headed for the door. As I pushed the very old door curtain to the side, I saw Okon smiling sheepishly through the wooden door with the see through net almost giving way after years of been battered by the unfriendly elements of the weather. I gradually pushed it so it wont park up finally and with my head slightly bent downwards I stepped outside to meet my unwelcomed visitor..

“ up Chelsea!! Unna play ball yesterday sha but unna no gree score chai. Those small small Arsenal boiz come dey score for unna house. Thank God say na only #500 I put for that my ticket o, I don target say I go chop almost #17,000 na only that match cut my ticket, e pain me o. to come shop this morning sef dey taya me cos all those Gunners fans for our shop don dey wait to yab me as per say I don make mouth say unna go win. Unna fall my hand badly sha. But nothing spoil, next week against Burnley unna go collect unna 3 points back take replace am, unna must win the league o”..

Okon leave matter abeg, those boiz don hammer oh. Na we for here still dey look for chop money. I don tell yu make yu no dey bet money again, na bad spirit dat thin be o. where my fone na.

His excitement now gone due to the little scolding he received, he stretched out his hands without looking my direction to hand over my phone.

“ make I dey go back shop,customer dey wait for me. Shei yu go show background later na? That thin( pami) of yesterday still remain small o, abi make I just send John make him bring am com give yu?

Don’t worry, am no longer interested. You guys can have it all. E never spoil? I asked, make unna no drink poison o I shouted as he turned to take his leave. I shook my head as his seemingly frustrated figure walked out of the face me I face you compound located at the suburb of Nnewi, the compound had 24 rooms but only 7 were habitable. It was a case of survival of the fittest.

 The last set of tenants in room 17 and 22 moved out yesterday when their ceiling caved in, for me my own challenge lied with the walls. The dampness leaves the room with a particular smell reminiscent of my mud house in the village. I was always careful not to leave my clothes or bag on the floor or near the walls as it will take a lot of hard work to relieve them of the unpleasant smell. Complains to the landlady over the years have not yielded any positive result as she claims she doesn’t have enough to feed not to talk of renovating the building. If you couldn’t stand it, park out simple. The message was loud and very clear.

I looked around and saw the small mortar of mama vera, I guess she didn’t remember to park it along as she was leaving yesterday, as I sat down on it my fingers flipped through the 6 missed calls notification I saw on my phone. Strange enough, they were all from a particular Glo number that I didn’t have. This must be serious I thought to myself, I hope its not from the village o, I hope nothing is wrong with mama? So many thoughts flipped through my head all at once. Just as I was about to make up my mind to borrow #100 from the network to call the number, another call came in. As  my gaze shifted back to the screen to see who was calling, Endurance walked into the compound and from the looks on her face I knew all was not well.

“ mama said I should go back to where I slept last night, and its all your fault. I told you to allow me go back home but you refused, that useless pami you were drinking didn’t make you see reasons with me on the gravity of the wahala it will cause if they realized I didn’t sleep at home! I begged you for hours but you refused, you insisted on sleeping with me and even the fact that I was ovulating didn’t deter you. Now mama is shouting like a mad woman in our compound and am sure she will come looking for me here very soon!”

I was lost, literally. As she stood there panting and fuming. Only then did the events of yesternight began to replay out in my head. The last events I remember clearly was the part I got to the barbing salon and we sat down to demolish the pami. I remember Okon telling me the drink was spiked so that the small quantity will get everyone “happy” in no time. Coming home with Endurance and insisting that she spent the night were all memories I was still trying to figure out clearly.

“But when did I ask you to follow me home and even insist on you spending the night even at the risk of you in your ovulation period?” With one sharp turn, she gave me one dirty slap, I was caught off guard at the sudden turn of events. My phone fell off my hands and the battery detached from the rubber band I used to hold it in place. I slowly bent down searching for the pieces of my dear nokia phone.

“ After all my pleas yesternight that fell on your deaf ears, you now stand here asking me stupid questions. What is in that your room that I will be eager to spend the night in? you were clearly under the influence of that drink and you acted accordingly. Just come up with a good explanation to give my mother by the time she gets here o”

Still in that unraveling drama that I was trying to catch up with, my phone rang again. I managed to sit on the mortar once again just to get a little composure to answer the phone with the little courtesy I could remember. As I pressed the answer key on my phone, my hands were shaking as I lifted the phone to my ears, the voice on the other end of the phone sounded more like that of a model.

“ Hello, please am I unto Mr Frank Egerue?

Yes you are, I mumbled through…

“My name is Cynthia and am calling you from the Corporate Headquarters of FINZ Group here in Lagos, I am the HR Assistant and I will like to know if you will be available for a one on one assessment/interview on Monday the 10th of July? I have been calling your line for ages with no response. Or is this not your official line?

Yes it is ma…

“ I just had to get through to you today been the last day as failure will mean you miss the chance to join this firm, I hope you make use of this opportunity as you were selected from over 10,000 applicants from across the country”.

No I wont ma

“If I may ask, what part of the country are you presently because your CV here with me reads Nnewi?

You are very correct ma

“Well that leaves you with just two days to get to lagos, I hope you will be able to make it down here?”

I will ma, thank you ma

“So I will see you then, have a good day Mr Frank”

“So na yu camp my daughter for house last nite abi? Uncle just because yu teach am to write jamb na em make yu no allow am com house? Da papa pay yu yur moni abi him dey owe?”

While I was answering the call, I didn’t notice mama endy had walked in behind me and was just waiting patiently to pounce on me even more than her daughter had done.

Mama no be so, I no say make endy sleep for my house o. I dey surprise sef wey I see her this morning say na my house she sleep cos na only me one follow sleep for house mama.

“ so na who dey lie? Cos my pikin no sleep for house and na only yu she mention! Any way no be fight matter, she kuku don reach to marry na make yu come meet her pale beg for her hand in marriage. No be so?”

Looking at me with stern vicious eyes hoping that I say anything contrary to the options she just gave me, I swallowed the ball of saliva that had formed in my throat and cleared my fore head of the pool of sweat that had gathered there, I looked at Endurance with the last hope in me that she will change her story so that this unfolding nightmare will disappear and end. But just as our focus landed on each other she broke my heart even more with her response…

“ why you dey look me uncle, answer now abi yu no be man again? Yesterday yu dey make mouth say yu be man and can do whatever it takes and now yu dey sweat like xmas goat”

Mama I no understand all wetin dey happen o, believe me mama. If to say my neigbour never park comot we for call am now make him bear me witness say nobody follow me come house yesterday. No be true mama.

“ I no get your time, when the papa come back from travel we go call yu again make unna talk man to man cos e be like say u never wan gree confess”

And with that final submission, she grabbed her daughter by the hand and dragged her towards the sole entrance to the compound. As I watched them struggle to jump the gutter separating the compound and the main road leading to Nnewi town, my heart sunk even further. 

What mess have I gotten my self into? How come I don’t remember any part of it? I didn’t really drink that much. On a good day, the whole of the keg cant satisfy me but then what the heavens did that boy mix it with?

I was caught in between rushing to the salon to confront him immediately but then I realized I had to be in lagos in two days time, all I have left cant even get me breakfast not to talk of getting me to Lagos. How do I raise the money I need now?

To be continued. ..

Silence

Silence

Silence has two faces

Pretty and ugly

Life and death sometimes

While it helps you to step away from the chaos around, it can also disconnect you from the reality of being you.

Silence

In it we can draw strength to overcome life challenges or sadly loose the will to continue fighting for what we truly desire.

Silence

It can be so soothing and peaceful, same way it can be so loud when it has defeat of self esteem, pride, ego and confusion written all over it; unfortunately, the society is too busy to read the handwriting no matter how clear it is written.

Silence

From it, ideas that shaped humanity were birthed and still are, sadly humanity has lost many from decisions taken at this season’s of silence.

Silence

So powerful, it can shut the whole world out in one blink and yet so weak to be able to reach out back to it sometimes.

Silence

Dreadful as it may sound, still every soul needs a visit to this powerful part of our minds. A healthy visit, not forced or coarsed by pressures and the demand to fit into the noisy chaotic world around us. The world so selfish, always demanding from us in exchange for vanities (time for money, time for comfort etc) leaving us with the illusion that we are successful but inside we empty, because the best things in life are free: our imagination and creativity.

Silence

Silence speaks when we are re-energized from it and kills so quietly when we loose what we took there!.

 Depression is real. Reach out to a forgotten friend today. You might be saving a life.